Unpublished portrait of Oriana Fallaci:
the greatest Italian woman writer
by Lucia Annunziata & Carlo Rosella
Panorama January 4, 2002
Translated by Chris Knipp
This isn't an interview - it's a well known fact that Oriana
Fallaci doesn't grant them. This is a portrait that came
into being though chance, through an unexpected coincidence
(fortunate for us) as well as through an old friendship.
Chance took us to New York and 'la Fallaci' into the lobby
of the hotel where the two of us were standing with Rage and
Pride in hand. We had both gotten it from the publisher in
Rome thirty-six hours earlier, at the moment of its
appearance in book shops. In New York, however, it hadn't
yet arrived, and 'la Fallaci' hadn't seen it yet.
She immediately made out at a distance the red cover with
the letters in gold. She had created it herself, had willed
it, being as she is precise about every detail, every
subtlety of the covers of her books - one concrete sign of
the devouring passion she puts into her work. The encounter
with those two first copies was irresistible. She threw
herself in a rush upon what she called "my little book" and
gathered us up along with it. It was the evening of
Thursday, December 13, the same time as the release of bin
Laden's confessional tape. We wanted to see that; we had to
see it. She wanted to see it, and had to see it. We ended
up at her house, right inside that brownstone protected by
the two little gates and the entrance door that never opens
- all three of us in front of the television set, pinned to
the screen, listening to Bin Laden and his giggling over the
thousands of dead while saying, "We had foreseen them but
had not hoped for so many..." And as a commentary there was
the voice of 'la Fallaci,' furious, rough, grieving: "Evil.
Evil. Evil...[maledetto, maledetto, maledetto]."
The next day we met again and this time we had a tape
recorder. We convinced her to accept it ("we swear it won't
be an interview!"). It was a long day. And to our surprise
we found ourselves guided along the same path she'd
traversed in writing Rage and Pride, even in format, as you
will see (including the parentheses, line headings, and
subchapters). Then gradually the discussion moved away from
the immediacy of current events, from Bin Laden's giggles,
from his 'we had foreseen them but had not hoped for so
many.' Little by little, finally, the discussion took on
the form of a portrait - a portrait of her. And a moving
one.
It's moving, because of the circumstances of what she
casually calls "little-book" - moving, because of this
publication, so long awaited, yet so unexpected. And then
there is the exceptional number of copies sold. Announced
only the morning of Tuesday, December 11, appearing in
bookstores the morning of the twelfth, the two hundred
thousand copies of the first edition were sold out in almost
every city by late afternoon the same day. Since then, Rage
and Pride has continually been reprinted. Fifty thousand
copies come off Rizzoli's presses every day. As we write on
Christmas Eve, the book has reached half a million copies.
People have gone to bookstores who never went to them before.
They stand in line, wait their turn, and very often buy more
than one copy. It's a publishing phenomenon never seen or
even conceived of before this.
But the point isn't just the number of copies sold so far.
It's the fact that this book has redefined Italy's
conception of the current conflict between the West and the
Islamic world. Without terms of mediation or compromises or
"if's" or "but's," without swimming in the sea of
"everything goes" whose existence for her represents one of
Italy's gravest defects, Oriana Fallaci has confronted the
issue with ironclad simplicity. We're different, she has
said - and, at this point, incompatible. Behind this war,
she has said, there is a choice between our civilization and
their religion; between us and them. With the era of
ecumenism over, her violent commitment has tossed out the
last vestiges of the "politically correct" [given in
English] - which is to say, that concept of inclusiveness so
broad as to become a loss of identity, that idea of cultural
relativity leading into moral relativism and into an
incapacity to take stands or defend differences. ("Defend"
is the key verb in 'la Fallaci's' argument and becomes a
call to action.)
Can we really be surprised that this call has lit such a
fire of polemic and support? Can we marvel at that - in a
country like ours, planted where the World's South begins, a
country nurtured through the precarious balance of the Cold
War, a country where Moslem immigrants arouse fear and al-
Qa'ida cells make up fake passports? Shouldn't politicians
and intellectuals, the two categories most scourged by 'la
Fallaci,' ask themselves why this book is selling at such
an unbelievable rate? Shouldn't they ask themselves what
questions citizens are seeking answers to in buying Rage and
Pride?
This is a success that's all the more powerful because it's
not fabricated. Since the article in Il Corriere della Sera,
which was the first draft (or condensed version) of the book,
'la Fallaci' hasn't spoken a word. As she warned, she
hasn't participated in polemics or answered either her
supporters or her detractors. And up till December 11 when
publication was announced she compelled her publisher to
maintain an absolute silence. She argued that she would not
appeal to curiosity or feed impatience - and this fits with
her nature. For years it has been well known that 'la
Fallaci' doesn't answer the phone. She doesn't even have a
message machine. To get in touch, her friends have to
submit to a complicated system by which each friend
corresponds to a certain number of rings. Then she calls
back, actually, though, not without often having miscounted
rings and picked the wrong person to call. She rarely opens
her mail. Once, she realized a good eight months late that
an unopened envelope contained a large refund of US taxes.
She writes, and doesn't publish. For a good ten years no
new text of hers has been available. These are indeed her
habits; but there is always the unexpected moment when she
breaks her bitter silence with a bang - and comes out of
her self-imposed exile. And people react as if every night
she had been on a stage or on TV. No one, during this
silence, this self-imposed exile, has forgotten her.
Everyone has continued to follow her, speak of her, write
about her, dedicate covers, newspaper headlines and
commentaries on television to her - expressions of homage
that have only made her hide more than ever. In fact, she
never appears on television, never participates in debates
that concern her. She does no bookstore signings and, most
remarkable, never responds to attacks. At most she appoints
lawyers to pursue a few lawsuits.
Despite all this her books continue to be sold. More than
best-sellers, they are long-sellers. Her Vietnam war book,
which appeared in 1969, Nothing and So Be It, still sells,
and well. Letter to a Child Never Born, which appeared in
1975, is now a classic worldwide. In the last twenty-two
years she has received literally dozens of requests to make
films from these. But no one has succeeded yet, for she is
as demanding of others as she is of herself, not someone
money can buy and indeed a person who despises money. As
for her novel, Inshallah, which centers on the conflict
between the western and Islamic worlds, since the tragedy
of September 11 it has become one of the fastest selling of
all books.
Those whom she calls the "cicadas" ("Don't ask me their
names. You see them every day on television; you read them
every day in the newspapers") continue to attack her. The
people, on the contrary, love her. This difference is
significant and in it is reflected the diminished nature of
our national identity.
To understand her today is to understand also the extent of
this incredible success of hers.
To speak of her is synonymous with war. War is a fulcrum of
her identity as a writer and journalist. We'll come to this
very soon - indeed, we'll deal with it at length. But now
let's stop at the point where, among the chatting of friends,
we come to weigh the past. We are talking about ourselves,
about ourselves and about her. Things are appraised and
told. In every young woman journalist of the last thirty
years, and perhaps in every emancipated young woman, there's
a little something of the pigtails of Oriana who, fleeing
Vietcong fire, ran with bowed head across the bridge of
Kien-Ho. There's something
of those pigtails or of that perfect parting of long, smooth,
straight hair. At a period when women wore bouffant hairdos
and little pillbox hats and alternated miniskirts with
Chanel, 'la Fallaci' was a model for those who eschewed
short skirts and hair pins and contrived chic - for
emancipated women of the generation following hers who went
to war as mothers, wives, professionals, workers adopting
her style of low heels and pants and no makeup. (We could
actually have a whole other discussion of the perversity of
imitation. It's not enough to copy a way of combing hair or
dressing to become 'la Fallaci.' You have to have her
culture, her class, her formative experiences and her
courage to become 'la Fallaci' - and finally, above all, you
have to have her intelligence, her personality, and her iron
will.)
That style adopted out of convenience was nonetheless
glamorous and not at all careless or unsexy. That clean
face, forever marked by precocious lines of tension and
fatigue, was one of the visages upon which, in the Sixties
and Seventies, the apex of American glamour was constructed.
This was a glamour captured, for example, in the book Women
by the celebrated photographer Francesco Scavullo, who
included 'la Fallaci' in his list of the forty-six most
fascinating and extraordinary women in the world. "I'm not
the kind of person who accepts rules just because they're
rules," 'la Fallaci' declared to Scavullo. She meant the
rules of style and beauty, but her line encapsulated a
little declaration of independence with makeup as metaphor,
and it was an assertion that very well suited the hungry
daughters of the next generation.
She thus became the epitome of the modern woman. It's hard
to imagine a more modern woman than she who from her
earliest years led what she called "a man's life" (being a
war correspondent was only one aspect of her modernity).
Her refusal to follow style was itself modern, for example.
She wore pants when in America a woman wearing pants could
not enter a public place. "Do you know how many restaurants
refused to admit me because I wore pants?" But when pants
became regular women's apparel, eternal contrarian that she
was she took up dresses and hats. Modern also is her
dictating fashion without intending to, as is her eccentric
way with eyeliner. "I do it very fast, tac tac tac," she
told Scavullo. Scavullo described the effect: "Two firm
wide lines which she puts on herself and which exaggerate
her astonishing oriental eyes. Those two lines have become
her signature." It's a signature that marks her face still
today. Over the years she has kept the face of the Oriana
who ran across the Kien-Hoa bridge, and even the little thin
body, and that mobile expression, that imperious hitching up
of the shoulders, which is another of her physical
characteristics. The way she combs her hair has changed,
though. The long, smooth, straight hair today is tied back
at the nape of the neck. This isn't flattering and she
knows it, but she ties it back that way on purpose. "It's
the way eighteenth century gentlemen from Jefferson to
Robespierre wore their hair. It's neat, convenient and can
be finished off with a little bow. I like it that way. My
grandmother said, 'If I don't please you, don't let it
bother you, just turn the other way.'" As for the oriental
eyes, they have more lines, obviously - lines which she
wouldn't part with, she insists, defending them with pride.
"They're my medals."
Cowards on one hand, brave people on the other: a drastic
distinction, it's the foundation of 'la Fallaci's' judgments.
She makes an almost maniacal cult of courage. "Courage"
along with "fear" is the word she utters most often. In
their opposition they are themes without subtle distinctions.
It's no coincidence that one of her models is Jack London, a
writer beloved of the young. She speaks at length of Jack
London in the preface she wrote for the Bur edition of The
Call of the Wild. In Jack London as journalist, war
correspondent, novelist, and adventurer she sees herself
deeply reflected. As an adolescent, she confided during our
long day together, she used to say "I'd like to become
Jacqueline London."
The surest definition she can give of herself consequently
is that of Soldier. "I am a soldier. I've been that since
I was a girl when I became a partisan in my antifascist
family: a soldier." The connection between Oriana and war
goes back to that - to her own life history. (For the
contribution that she made to the struggle against nazi-
fascists when hardly fourteen, General Alexander, Commander
in Chief of the Allied Forces in Italy during World War II,
sent her a laudatory letter of thanks.) "There is a
depressing intimacy," she said, giving weight to the word
"depressing," "between me and arms, me and explosions, me
and fear and courage and death. War, in sum. God knows,
alas, how sincere is the cry I uttered against the sons of
Allah in my little book: "In war I was born, in war I grew
up, I understand war better than you do. And I have more
balls than you do who to find the courage to die must kill
thousands of creatures. You've wanted war, you want war?
As far as I'm concerned, let there be war. Until the last
breath."
Her dispatches from Vietnam were so perfect precisely
because of this. In its notable series of books on Vietnam,
Time magazine has also included many of her articles from
the front - a rare homage from a country that saw in Vietnam
the best of her journalism in action. Her being a soldier
herself leads her to respect all soldiers. Even those of
al-Qa'ida who as we speak are sustaining American
bombardments at Tora Bora. All of a sudden she turns the
television back on. Instead of the confession tape the
screen is transmitting images of those bombardments. She
looks at them and as she comments on them her voice is no
longer that furious, rough, grieving one when she listened
to the giggles of bin Laden. It's a respectful voice:
"Certainly among them there are aspiring kamikazes. But at
this moment they're not dying by killing thousands of
creatures: they're dying in combat. As soldiers. In this
moment I respect them. So I salute them." Then she
explains how much she despises the Taliban who fled or who
gave themselves up without fighting. And she includes
another surprising judgment: "There is a very great
difference between the Italian soldiers who gave themselves
up to the Germans on September 8, 1943 and the Germans who
defended Berlin till the last man in 1945." And when we
express our astonishment: "Of course I have respect for
the defense of Berlin! Of course I have respect for the al-
Qa'ida at Tora Bora! There is heroism in their resistance!
Can one perhaps deny the heroism of our enemies? To deny
that would mean to become fanatics like them."
From the soldier she gets her discipline. "My discipline,
or rather self-discipline, is of military stamp: I
recognize that. It's not an accident that in Vietnam I was
willingly accepted by the American soldiers because I never
allowed myself to bring harm to the platoon or company with
infractions or personal initiatives. I conducted myself
just like a soldier among soldiers. However, this
discipline, or rather self-discipline, isn't something I
follow only in war. I follow it in peace, in my private
life, and above all in work. When I write for example. In
order to write I don't await so called inspiration. If I'm
not in some hospital or library or archive, every morning I
go to the desk. I go to work like a factory worker or an
employee who punches a time clock." This discipline of hers
is so military that it becomes legitimate to ask oneself if
she knows how to live without war, if she is capable of
keeping her distance from wars. This, while the images of
Tora Bora still flicker on the screen, is what we tell her.
And like a good soldier, half embarrassed and half reticent,
she admits it. "Alas, your suspicion contains an element of
truth. And the reason can be found, I think, in the life
I've led. It's because of the life I've led, I believe,
that war is my continual point of reference - that I see
everything in terms of peace and war. Unappealing, wouldn't
you say? Well, then, let's tell the whole truth...I have
spoken of a depressing intimacy. I should also acknowledge
a depressing sympathy. From whence comes that sympathy?
Look. Here. Look...War is the challenge of challenges,
because it's a challenge that you demand of yourself. When
you take action to participate in combat or when you're in
combat, no one looks after you; no one looks at you. You're
completely alone with yourself, the judge of yourself. Thus
it is to yourself that the challenge is made to go forward,
to conquer fear, to remain alive...And to yourself, finally,
that you must not look bad. Because you can't lie to
yourself or carry out deceptions. And...look: committed as
I was to condemn war, I've always recounted the horrors of
war - and stopped there. I've never had the strength to
confess the dark fascination, the perverse seductiveness,
that war exerts or is capable of exerting upon anyone who
finds himself in it. It's a seduction, God forgive me,
that's born of its vitality - the vitality precisely of that
challenge. Let's say it once and for all, head covered with
ashes, but once and for all: I've never felt so alive as
when, having won the challenge to myself, I've come out
alive from combat or from war."
Seductiveness. The word has been spoken. And now she
speaks of fear: "Anyone who says he isn't afraid in war is
a fool or a liar. And note well: all the fools and liars
who say they haven't been afraid in war were, and are, those
who follow wars from a comfortable hotel room. I've never
encountered them at the front. Look, in war you're always
afraid. Any soldier, of any race or nation, will tell you
that. He'll also tell you that every time is the first time,
and every time is worse than the time before. Because every
time he knows more, is more aware of the risk. However, the
point isn't to be afraid but to overcome fear, to act in the
face of fear, and war has taught me this."
A little indiscretion (will we forgive her?): "I have
always said that, once dead, they can do what they want with
my body - for example, use it as manure for an olive tree.
But I'm not so sure about that... All in all, I wouldn't
mind being buried with military honors. You know, the ones
where the flag waves under the sun, the cannon fires into
the air, and the trumpet goes paparapa( paparapa("...and all
at once she explodes in happy laughter, enjoying herself.
She declares that she writes slowly and has for years been
working on a grand novel that she claims to want to have
published posthumously, but she wrote Rage and Pride in two
months. She is ill with a cancer which weakens and consumes
her, but she appears to burst with driving energy and works
as if she were in good health. She says she is in exile
from a country she loves passionately and is more involved
in Italian events than anyone in Italy. She is pitiless in
anger, and yet can be inexplicably restrained and sweetly
affectionate. Her generous impulses have the same intensity
as her reprisals and either can arrive unexpectedly.
These are all signs of an unbridled passion that can carry
her to total immoderation in all things and pull her to
heights and depths of emotion following world events. As
last evening in front of the television screen when the bin
Laden tape confession was broadcast. And as today when she
says "In Rage and Pride I hold that bin Laden is only the
present tip of the iceberg - the part of the mountain that
emerges from the abysses of his own blindness, which since
fourteen hundred has been able to produce only religion. I
hold that the real protagonist in this Holy War is not he:
it is that mountain. And I repeat that now. But I cannot
deny, no one can deny, that bin Laden is a major personality.
He is to the same degree that Khomeini was, and you know
why? Because, despite his perfidy and despicableness, he,
like Khomeini, was born out of passion. Made of passion.
We no longer have personalities made of passion, born out of
passion. To find those you have to go back to our past. To
Saint Francis, to Saint Teresa, to Torquemada himself. To
Danton, Marat, Robespierre. To Napoleon, Nelson, Mazzini,
Garibaldi, Cavour. To Lenin, Stalin, to Churchill who
promised to fight Hitler with "tears and blood." To Mao Tze
Tung, Ho Chi Minh. There I will stop, because for half a
century the West in the field of leaders has had only
mediocrities. Bastards or half-pints with little more than
the name of leader. The only personality the West has
produced during the last half century is Karol Wojtyla. A
man of faith, a man of the church. For the rest, even in
art, music, painting, poetry, aside from Picasso we have had
nothing but mediocrities. You know why? Because we've lost
our passion. Because we've replaced passion with
rationalism. Worse: with hedonism, the cult of the
commodity, with softness. And with a badly interpreted
concept of equality that appeases, levels, extinguishes
genius and personality. With these it extinguishes art, it
extinguishes poetry. Poetry. Tell me: where is art this
last half century? Where is poetry? We've got science and
nothing more, technology and nothing more, comfort and
nothing more. You can't live without passion. You can't
even fight or defend yourself without passion. Well, I
don't know how to live without passion. I don't know how to
fight or to defend myself without passion. Everything I do,
I do out of passion and for the sake of passion. Out of
passion I write, out of passion I get mad, out of passion I
rant, and with passion I fight. And, by God, my little book
springs forth from passion. I'm sure that the Italians read
it, listen to what I say, not only because I speak the
truth but because I speak it with passion."
How can one find fault with her? Yesterday Sofia Loren, her
friend Sofia, called her from Los Angeles, using the secret
predetermined ring. With her bubbling voice, full of life,
she said "How beautiful your book is, my Oriana, how lovely!
It seems written with the wisdom of a hundred-and-fifty-
year-old and the passion of an eighteen-year-old."
She describes herself as "an antique lady," meaning "a woman
in the antique style." The brownstone where she lives in
New York is antique (mid-nineteenth century) and furnished
in the antique style: furniture, lamps, shades, paintings,
ceramics, knickknacks, even the telephones. Her place in
Florence and her house in Tuscany are similar. Everything
she collects is antique, beginning with the books -
seventeenth century, eighteenth century, nineteenth century
volumes of Boccaccio, Ariosto, Torquato Tasso, Shakespeare
in all possible editions, histories of the French revolution,
the Napoleonic campaigns, the Italian risorgimento, Mazzini,
Garibaldi, Cavour. But it is not a twilight closure that
dictates these choices: it is another one of her passions,
the passion for the past, about which, moreover, she has
written a lovely passage in Rage and Pride. "For me every
object from the past is sacred. A fossil, a shard, a small
coin, whatever testimony of that which we were and of that
which we made. The past intrigues me more than the future.
I shall never tire of asserting that the future is a
hypothesis, a conjecture, a supposition: that is, a non-
reality. At most, it is a hope to which we try to give
shape through dreams and fantasies about it. The past, on
the other hand, is a certainty, a concrete thing, an
established reality - a school which one cannot disregard
because if one does not know the past one does not
understand the present and cannot try to influence the
future with dreams and fantasies. And every object that has
survived from the past is precious because it carries within
it an illusion of eternity, because it represents a victory
over time, which wears down and withers away and kills. A
defiance of death."
She is a severe lady. She dresses severely. Her present
uniform is a skirt (only occasionally pants) and sweater.
Of cotton in summer, wool in winter, in all possible colors
running the gamut of severity Low heeled shoes. To liven
up the new uniform, a little old jewelry. As we've said,
her hair is combed severely, without coiffure. The "look"
she produces is indeed elegant and impeccable but almost
monastic. She lives severely, without luxuries and, in
their place, with Spartan habits. With severity she
despises money, this too has been said, and judges with
severity. She punishes with severity and, if necessary,
punishes herself. With severity she refuses almost all the
conveniences that modern technology offers our world. For
starters: the computer. She has never possessed one. And
woe to you if you offer her one, if you try to make her a
present of one. She uses the same old manual Olivetti that
she used in Vietnam. It's wearing out now and is almost
unusable. To avoid using new and modern machines she has
learned by herself how to keep it together with plastering
supplies from a dentist's office. Like a violinist who
plays only on his own violin, she can write only on this
machine. She has actually said she can't write on a silent
machine. "If I don't hear it clacking, the words don't come
to me - thoughts don't even come to me." In place of silent
machines, in place of computers, an almost scandalous number
of typewriters from the early twentieth century. She
collects them like authorial souvenirs.
Someone accuses her of playing Greta Garbo. But she's not
offended, because she notes that the comparison is
legitimate. Greta Garbo too led a severe and retiring life.
Greta Garbo too dressed and wore her hair in a severe manner.
Greta Garbo too surrounded herself with objects from the
past. And until her death Greta Garbo lived not far from
where she now lives, in this small circuit of elegant
streets in midtown Manhattan. Many years ago their paths
crossed at an exclusive little grocery shop on Fifty-seventh
street, Dover Delicacies. One evening, she tells us with a
gentle smile, they ran into each other right in front of the
shop entrance. She was still very young then. Garbo was
already old. She had her little steak, Garbo a chicken. It
was raining. She hadn't an umbrella; Garbo had one. In
silence, Garbo accompanied her to the door of her building.
("And you didn't ask her for an interview?" "Oh, no, of
course not! I knew she didn't grant them." "And how did
the two of you part?" "I said 'Thank you, madam, how sweet
of you.' And she answered 'You're welcome, Miss Fallaci.
Have a good night.'")
In a world that lives by publicity, she eschews it. And she
does so because she detests it - in every form and every
aspect. Twenty or thirty years ago it was not hard to
persuade her to do what the publishers came to define as
promotion; that is, to participate in the launching of one
of her books with interviews, television appearances, and so
on. Then this gradually became more and more difficult.
Now it's impossible, most emphatically so. And it follows
that this is due to the hostile attitude almost all
journalists have adopted toward her, as we shall see. In
large part, however, it's due to her own character, or
rather to her sincere need for privacy, a need that respects
the privacy of others, and that's dealt with in another fine
passage in Rage and Pride, the passage dealing with her
embarrassment in the company of Golda Meir when the latter
told her marital secrets and Ali Bhutto when he confessed
the drama of his wedding night and then thought better of it
and begged her not to write about it. She did write nothing
about it, and years later the two met again by chance. They
began talking about the Islamic world and Bhutto said "I was
wrong to ask you not to write that story. One day you'll
have to tell the whole thing." And in this book she tells
it concluding, "There is Bhutto. Wherever she may be -
let's not worry if she's nowhere but under the ground -
I've kept my promise to her."
This shows a character that she confirms by saying "I was
and am the friend of some very famous people but I've never,
never betrayed them by gossiping. I've never, never
revealed things they've said during dinner or while we were
walking in the street. Two of these friends, both dead of
cancer, I loved very much. One was Ingrid Bergman, the
other Maria Callas. And if God existed He would bear
witness that I never, never, never told of their private
doings - doings I knew about as well as they knew about mine.
One evening here in New York I happened to see a long
program about Callas. My immediate thought was 'Oh God,
poor Maria! What will they start going on about, those
gossips, to show that they knew her well?' Well, one told
anecdotes so intimate that - I was eating - I took my plate
and threw it on the floor. In the case of Bergman, to whom
I was perhaps closer than to Callas, ditto. I see her
daughter Isabella often. She lives in New York not far from
my house and she's almost like family to me. But I haven't
told even her about the things her mother told me."
In these ten years in which her self-exile, her silence, has
crystallized, requests for interviews have regularly arrived
from all over the world. And in the past two months, since
the publication of the article that carries the same title
as the book, the demand for interviews has grown beyond
bounds. But not once has she given in. "And if I think
about what you'll do after this meeting, it gives me the
shivers. I wonder what came over me to meet with you again
and give in to the frigging recorder. . .I never recognize
myself in the things other people write about me. When I
see an article about me I feel I'm reading something about
an unknown person, a stranger. Interviews I detest, because
they always assign me things I haven't said, or else they
distort and twist things so much that the meaning is changed.
This has always filled me with annoyance because, as you
know, interviews are a subject I know something about.
Journalism based on interviews is my invention. My own
interviews have always been so rigorously precise and
correct. I've never betrayed anyone. Even dealing with a
person I hated and did not respect, I was careful to report
faithfully whatever this or that person told me. No one has
ever been able to accuse me of having inserted a distortion
or lie in their responses. For several hours Kissinger
tried to accuse me of that, and finally he had to eat his
accusatory words. Others, however. . .And apropos of the
very, very unappealing Kissinger: it's he who has written
lies about me, because in his book The White House Years, a
book moreover in which he claims he met me to 'appear in my
Pantheon of world figures,' he expounds upon an interview
that I never carried out or even requested - one with the
north Vietnamese Le Duc Tho. It was no accident that after
his book was published I sent word to him that even as a
historian he wasn't worth beans. What kind of historian is
one who recounts things that never happened? Yes, indeed,
he too has contributed to the fact that I trust no one any
more. I don't give interviews because I don't trust the
people who do them. And you'd better be careful. You'd
better watch out if you transform this three-way
conversation into an interview."
It was the publication of Inshallah that signaled her
definitive farewell to promotion. She appeared in France,
Germany, Sweden, Holland, Spain, and America, but - except
for Paris, where Francoise Sagan convinced her to take part
in a television broadcast with her - not to grant interviews.
In each of those countries, in fact, she limited herself to
reading pages from the novel. At times her refusals caused
displeasure to herself because of those she refused. At
that time she was, for instance, displeased to refuse Bruno
Vespa and Enrico Mentana. "They had always been so nice to
me, so generous. To say no to them was like a thorn in my
heart. But I couldn't face exhibiting myself on television.
It makes me suffer anguish, I'm so uncomfortable. You tell
them - Vespa and Mentana - that they shouldn't take offense,
that my refusal wasn't directed at them and that I was very
sorry to disappoint them." And then: "But how can you two
always appear on television? Doesn't it make you
uncomfortable and upset you? Look, at this point in my life
I only would appear on television as a war correspondent.
At the front, you understand. Not behind the lines where it
gives you the feeling of running unlimited risks but you're
seeing explosions from at least five kilometers away."
You see, everything about her life seems to be known. And
her way of writing, almost always in the first person,
favors this misunderstanding. But what she tells about
herself when she talks about herself is in reality a way of
hiding herself, of distracting attention, of smuggling in an
almost maniacal sense of privacy. As for the things others
tell about her, often, indeed almost always, they are
completely invented or altered by the fabrications of
someone who doesn't know her. Except for the case of
Alexander Panagoulis, in fact, her sentimental journey is
completely unknown. Except for her profession, her way of
living is unknown. Her tastes, her habits, her
idiosyncrasies: unknown. And even if we are her friends,
listening to her we always end up surprised. About her, in
reality, one knows very little.
She is one of those few Italians of today known throughout
the world. When she went to Qom (the sacred city of Iranian
Shiites) to interview Khomeini, she necessarily had to walk
the streets with her face half covered by a chador, but a
group of Iranian students recognized her by her terrifying
eyes. They ran up to her yelling "Fallatzi, Fallatzi!" In
an Iran where women were worth the same as a camel, she was,
finally, valued like a man. A few years ago she went to
China on a private trip. When she arrived in Peking the
airport was swarming with cameramen and photographers. "Oh
my God, an important person must have arrived. You'll see
how long it's going to take to get through customs," she
said to her sister, Paola, who was traveling with her.
"Couldn't you be the important person?" Paola answered. And
she said, "Don't talk nonsense." Actually in fact she was
the important person. And in the hurly-burly, she says, she
even lost her hat. (More often one imagines her with a
helmet on. But her elegance includes hats. Sophisticated
women's hats, not soldiers'.) There are even boy scout
associations named after Oriana Fallaci in China. And in
China also she received a homage not granted even to her
enemy Kissinger, who had sought it: giving a lecture in the
exclusive Great Hall of the Academy of the Sciences, a Great
Hall packed with notables. Young people who had come in
special tour busses from neighboring cities had to hear her
on loudspeakers in other halls or outside the building. And
so, she gave a very challenging speech.
In 1981 students of Harvard Law School protested that the
commencement speech should be given not by General Haig,
then Secretary of State and already the commencement speaker
officially designated by the university, but by 'La
Fallaci.' She gave the speech, and they're still talking
about it at Harvard. In the same years in Belgrade the
theater (packed with people) in which she was presenting A
Man, was stormed by the crowd pushed back by firemen who for
security reasons were not allowing more people to enter. A
venerable American academic institution, Boston University,
for forty years has had an "Oriana Fallaci Special
Collection" dedicated to her in which are gathered all her
manuscripts, all the translations of her books, and all the
materials related to her work. In America she has received
prestigious honorary degrees. In the
Library of Congress History of Illustrious Italians there
are only two photographs of celebrated Italian women:
Eleanora Duse and Oriana Fallaci. The caption states: "Her
writings have carried political journalism to a new level.
Her interviews with leaders and powerful figures of the
world are astonishing both for their fearlessness and for
their probing intelligence."
But in Italy, where honorary degrees are also given to
foreign journalists: nothing. No honor, no recognition has
ever come to her from her beloved patria, nor from her
beloved city, Florence. Apart from a few literary prizes,
the only homage that has come to her in Italy remains the
one General Alexander dedicated to her in 1945 to
memorialize her work as a partisan "baby." Far from
thanking her for having carried her name as an Italian
throughout the world, Italy has been no mother to her - not
even a wicked stepmother. For decades the overwhelming
majority of our newspapers have dumped a pile of calumnies
and insults upon her that are as unjustified as they are
ridiculous. And she has not forgotten any of them. Even
today (and you can see this in Rage and Pride) she can
recite them from memory.
When Letter to a Child Never Born was published, a Milan
daily printed an article that began with these words, "Ugly,
ugly, ugly. Uglier than this is not possible. It will last
only for a summer." A Rome daily, another entitled: "The
Uterus in the Brain." In Italy the book has now sold over a
million and half copies. It has been translated into
twenty-one languages and published in thirty-one countries.
It has become a modern classic even in Japan, China, Korea,
Thailand, and several Arab nations, not to mention India
where it is available in several Indic dialects.
A few days before publication of A Man (the novel about the
Greek hero Alexander Panagoulis, her life companion for
three years - that is, from the moment when he was released
from the Boiati prison until the moment when he was killed
in a faked auto accident), a Rome daily published a full
page article with the title "Why One Should Not Read 'La
Fallaci's' Book." The socialist monthly Croniche Sociali
dedicated a cover to her photograph, and under the
photograph was printed: "Here is the true assassin of
Panagoulis." In the article 'La Fallaci' was in fact
accused of having made a gift to Panagoulis of the
automobile that he was driving at the moment when they
killed him...Worse: due to the fact that for security
reasons the book was not typeset at the Rizzoli print shop,
the then President of the Council ordered the Carabinieri to
search every print shop in Italy for the text "suspected of
being an anti-government work." It was one of those same
Carabinieri officers given this assignment who revealed the
affair years later. Worse yet: even this time the book was
slashed to ribbons by enemy journalists. But, as in the
case of Letter to a Child Never Born, it was an enormous
success. Sales were exceptional. Abroad it appeared in the
usual thirty-one countries, translated into the usual
twenty-one languages, and today it is one of the most loved
works that modern Italian literature has produced. Nor is
that all. Two months before Inshallah appeared, when the
book's title wasn't even yet known, the most famous Rome
daily dedicated two whole pages to an attack on it. In this
it was said among other things that all her interviews with
world heads of state were the product of her imagination.
It was as if to say that the meeting with Khomeini had never
happened, likewise the one with Ghaddafi, or with Golda Meir,
Indira Gandhi, Deng Xiao Ping, etc., ditto. (The tapes of
these interviews, preserved in special containers at a
special temperature, are found in the Oriana Fallaci
Collection at Boston University). As if this weren't enough,
when one of the greatest Italian journalists (Bernardo
Valli) separated himself from the chorus to dedicate an
article to her describing Inshallah as a masterpiece, he
found himself ostracized by the rest of his colleagues.
No, she hasn't forgotten the attacks. And yet she speaks of
them with a disdainful detachment. "Don't ask me the motive
for this madness: let me ask you that. I only know that
every time I was incredulous and exclaimed 'Why?' I belong
to no party. I belong to no group, no literary mafia. I
never speak ill of anyone. I never insult other people's
books. Even if I don't like them, I never say that they are
bad. I know all too well the enormous effort of writing a
book. Whether it's good or bad, I respect that effort with
all my soul. As everyone knows, I lead a retiring life. I
never put myself in competition with others. What is it
then that disturbs them?"
We answer her with a single word: success. Then she smiles
bitterly. "I know that idiots associate success with
happiness. With wealth, with privilege, but above all with
happiness. Let's take the case of movie stars, much worse
abused than I. Idiots abuse them because they think that,
besides being rich and privileged, they're happy. But
happiness has nothing to do with success, fame, popularity,
or wealth. If anything success is almost always a source of
unhappiness. I know many people who are successful. I'm
the friend of many successful people, and I can assure you
that I see much more unhappiness among them than among
people who have no success. Once Elizabeth Taylor said that
success is a deodorant. Perhaps because I have nothing to
deodorize, I'd argue on the contrary that success is a
source of much discomfort. You know why? Because it
becomes a kind of reproof or even humiliation for those who
believe themselves to deserve it but who don't achieve it.
This is a phenomenon, please note, that's never observed in
simple people. Simple people love successful people. They
identify them with their dreams and ambitions. They
establish a kind of link with them of imaginary
identification - or of out and out gratitude. Envy comes
from people who've had some small degree of success
themselves, particularly those who belong to the same
surroundings and practice the same profession as the envied
person. Thus the first ones to envy, then hate, then
verbally assault or insult a successful actor or actress are
actually actors who've had little or no success. The first
ones to envy, then hate, then verbally assault or insult the
successful footballer or singer or politician will actually
be footballers and singers and politicians who've had little
or no success. The first ones to envy, then hate, then
verbally assault or insult successful writers are actually
writers who've had little or no success. Among non-writers
I find many, many, many people who love me. And you want to
know the whole truth? That to me is enough. It consoles me,
it honors me, and it's enough."
The so-called Italian intelligentsia has never been generous
to her. Indeed, they have always been hostile. To become
aware of this one has only to leaf through the collection of
newspapers and reviews that publish the writings of the
official reviewers, the overseers of good and bad,
recognized by the intellectual cliques. But to the
suspicion that many of the wrongdoings of which she has been
attacked if not persecuted derive from her not belonging to
a political party or group, or club, or lobby (including the
lobbies of the literary mafia), she reacts with minor
detachment. This time in answering her voice returns to a
rough and grieving tone like it had last night when she
cursed Bin Laden. At moments it changes almost to a whisper.
"Ah, yes. The Italians rarely understand that: independent
judgment, the judgment of the citizen who thinks with his
own brain and refuses to allow himself to be drawn up into
the ideological ranks. They're so used to being lined up in
ranks, to being with the Guelfs or the Ghibellines, with the
Catholics or the Protestants, the reformists or the counter
reformists, the pope or the emperor, the French or the
Austrians, the Americans or the Russians, they don't
understand someone who doesn't stand with either side and
sees the faults of both. Theirs is an centuries-old malady
and they aren't yet cured of it. At times I wonder if
they'll ever be cured. As everyone knows, I adopted a very
precise position against the Vietnam war when I went to
Saigon for the first time in 1967. From the front I wrote
some very severe things about what I judged to be a
senseless conflict. Likewise in 1968. Naturally the
communists of that time were very happy with this. The
reported excerpts of my reportage with enthusiasm, for
example where I described a battle in Dak-To, the village on
the edge of the Ho Chi Minh Trail. In their editorials I
assumed the role of a heroine and none of them put in doubt
what I had written and continued to write. Grateful and
seduced, then, the North Vietnamese invited me to Hanoi in
1969: it was a privilege they rarely accorded even to their
fellow travelers. With the same eyes, the same ears, the
same brain, the same independence of judgment, I then went
to Hanoi. And there I saw the most Stalinist, tyrannical,
fascist regime I'd ever known since I'd begun the practice
of my profession. From this there derived even more severe
articles than I had written from Saigon, from South Vietnam.
Open, ye Heavens! The communists who had so exulted me
assaulted me, insulted me, more than I had ever been
assaulted and insulted in my life till that moment. No one
attempted an examination of conscience; no one asked himself
if the things I'd written from the North were as true as
those I'd written from the South. And among their
sympathizers and fellow travelers none praised the honesty
of this woman who with unaltered candor denounced the wrong
she found. The heroine became a reprobate. The respectable
person, a delinquent. The truth teller, a liar. And so on.
Well, After Rage and Pride, the same thing happened.
Thirty-two years have passed, and the same thing is
happening. In the article published in the newspaper I
spoke little of Cavaliere. I had set aside the little
section on him with many others because it was too long and
I saved it to put in my little book. Thus after the article
many of my admirers were among his followers - just like the
communists had done after my first articles from South
Vietnam. The ex-communists and so called progressives, on
the other hand, lined up against me, going so far as to
distort my name to Orjena instead of Oriana and Oriana Bin
Laden instead of Oriana Fallaci. Once the little book was
out, though, with the little section set aside for Cavaliere,
the insults and vulgarities came to me from his followers -
exactly what had happened with the communists after my
articles from North Vietnam. The most disconcerting thing
is the way the language used against me by the right was
exactly equal to what had been used by the left. Orjena
Fallaci and Oriana Bin Laden in the newspapers of the right
became Taliban Fallaci. You see, right and left are really
the two sides of the same face - the face of bigotry, of
intolerance, of the incapacity to be free and think with
one's own brain. Anyone in Italy who doesn't stand on one
side or the other, who is neither Guelf nor Ghibelline,
automatically becomes a sinner - a heretic to be burned at
the stake. The fact is that I'm very proud of being, in
that sense, a sinner, a heretic to be burned at the stake.
I'm very proud to have no political umbrellas, to belong to
no group or club or lobby, to be attacked by both sides.
It's the greatest compliment that can be accorded to my
honesty. And you want to know the truth? I'm convinced
that the Italians who are strangers to groups, clubs, and
lobbies of the political mafia are absolutely on my side.
What proves it is the number of those who buy and read Rage
and Pride.
THE WOMAN OF CULTURE
She is a woman of culture. She has a profound knowledge of
history - the history, for example, of the American
Revolution, the French Revolution, the Italian Risorgimento,
the unification of Italy. . .(of Fascism and of World War II
she says: "That's stuff I've studied till it's in my
bones"). Obviously she knows literary history
equally well, and, as a Florentine, has an almost inborn
knowledge of the history of art. She loves music and
mathematics, and moreover has based the novel Inshallah on
mathematics. Culture is, together with politics, an
obsession that runs in her veins. A similar obsession ran
in the veins of her parents for whom books (laboriously paid
for in installments) were really very much a status symbol.
It comes to her also from her legendary uncle Bruno, the
famous journalist Bruno Fallaci - a very cultured man, Uncle
Bruno, for whom she has always nurtured a profound
admiration. Her book, indeed, is dedicated both to her
parents and to him. The most destructive insult that can be
addressed to her is to call her "Ignorant, illiterate, an
ass." She charges politicians, intellectuals, and
journalists with ignorance. She entered the field of
journalism at the age of seventeen; she has dedicated the
greater part of her life to it. She has distinguished
herself as a journalist, as everyone knows. She recognizes
that she owes a great deal to journalism ("It gave me the
gifts of adventure, knowledge, experience. And, above all,
the exercise of writing journalistically taught me to
write"). Despite all this she does not like to be described
as a journalist. Twenty years ago she abandoned the
profession without regrets. She returned to it only once
for a very few months, during the Gulf War - a war in which
she participated purely out of curiosity. "I wanted to see
a technological war. All I saw was a show for CNN." Of the
life she led in working for newspapers she says "I was a
writer on loan to journalism." Once someone asked her,
"What would you like inscribed on your tombstone?" Without
hesitation she answered: "Oriana Fallaci, Writer." She
says that she might have practiced many other professions:
doctor, classical ballerina, archaeologist, soldier. But
she adds: "Even if I had acquired another profession, I'd
have ended up being a writer. A writer as well. And
particularly a novelist." At sixteen, when she took the
final exams at the Liceo Galileo Galilei in Florence, she
received the highest honors in Italian due to her knowledge
of English and Italian literatures and to the theme she had
written about "The Concept of Patria from the Greek Polis
Till Today." This she handled in such an audacious manner
that the members of the examining board judged it scandalous,
but it was so well written that they were forced to give her
a 10. And yet she hates to write. "Writing is the most
fatiguing profession in the world. I grow tired like a
porter, a miner, someone who does heavy manual work." But
she can't help writing. When she learned that she had
cancer, she didn't ask the oncologist how many years she had
left to live, she asked "How many books do I have left to
write?
THE ALIEN
Alien is the name that she gives cancer - a reality of which
she says, "I'm convinced that cancer is an intelligent
malignity, a creature that thinks. When the big one grabbed
me ten years ago I said 'I want to see it.' And two days
later I saw it through a microscope. Seen that way, it was
only a white stone. Clean, almost graceful. Sectioned,
however, it seemed like a crowd of people going mad. You
know, that crowd that goes to rock concerts and to audiences
with the Pope? There was something in this mass of cells
fighting among themselves that made one think of a creature
from another planet. Very, very interesting. From then on
I named it The Alien and I had a very intense dialogue with
it - the same kind of dialogue I might have with Usama Bin
Laden if I found myself in intimate circumstances with him.
As in the case of Bin Laden, I don't actually know where
he's hiding - in what cave, in what region of my body. But
I know he's there, I know he wants to kill me, and that he
will kill me, and therefore I engage in a dialogue with him.
I tell him, 'You're smart, but you're dumb. You're a
frigging idiot. You don't understand that you exist because
I exist, that to live, you need me. Therefore, if you kill
me, you die with me. Isn't it worth it to you to try to
coexist with me and let me finish what I have to finish?'
My oncologist, who is a woman, thinks that I'm right. She
thinks that cancer can be staved off by the brain more than
it can by the surgeon or chemotherapy or radiation therapy.
However things stand, the fact remains- keeping my fingers
crossed - that through this dialogue I've staved if off for
some years. I talk with it and I talk about it. I never
hide the fact that I have cancer and I think someone who
does so is wrong. It's a mistake to think having cancer is
shameful or wrong. I find it monstrous that some define it
as an 'incurable disease.' Why incurable? It's not true
that it's incurable! Of course it can be cured! It's a
disease like any other, like viral hepatitis, TB or heart
disease. It isn't even the most unpleasant disease, in that
it's not contagious. It's actually one of the few non-
contagious diseases that exist in the world! And I owe it a
lot. Before having The Alien, I took all for granted [given
in English]. I mean, everything seemed my due. The sun,
the blue sky, the miracle of life... Since I have it I
value life more. I value the sun, the blue sky, the rain,
the fog, the heat, the cold: Life. Finally, I value the
miracle of life. And then I owe to The Alien the fact of
having found the courage to write the novel that I'd never
had the courage to begin, because I knew how long and
difficult it would be - the novel to which I allude in the
preface to Rage and Pride. I brought that book back to life.
When The Alien attacked me I said, 'Damn it, this is deadly.
I've got to get to work right away.'"
SMOKING
She buys cigarettes by the score, fifteen cartons at a time.
They deliver them to her in big black plastic bags similar
to garbage bags. They are special cigarettes that are
available only at Sherman's in New York. A great grandchild
of Sherman, the Civil War general. They're called "Virginia
Circles," and she alternates the Virginia Circles with
"Sigarettellos." In both cases they are cigarettes that
resemble little cigars because the paper they are wrapped in
is brown. She is absolutely convinced of their therapeutic
value. "Smoking," she says, "disinfects the lungs." And
woe to anyone who attributes the cancer to the cigarettes.
She loses her ancient-lady composure and shouts "This story
of cigarettes and smoking is a totally ignorant explanation.
The more ignorant a doctor is, the more he attributes
diseases to smoking. You've got heart disease? It's the
fault of smoking. Got a stomach ache? It's the fault of
cancer. Got a callus on your foot, breast cancer or lung
cancer? It's the fault of smoking. My mother didn't smoke
and she died of cancer. My father didn't smoke and he died
of cancer. My sister Nee'ra didn't smoke, and she died of
cancer. Uncle Bruno didn't smoke and he died of cancer. My
sister Paola never smoked and cancer caught her before it
did me. In my house we only die of cancer. And, please
note, it came to me last, when only my sister Paola and I
were left. Anyway, cigarettes have nothing to do with it.
If in my case smoke has anything at all to do with it, it's
the smoke I breathed in Kuwait right after the Gulf War.
Remember the oil wells Saddam Hussein set fire to? I call
it the Story of the Black Cloud. I was with a platoon of
marines in the desert, and all of a sudden the wind whipped
the tail of the Black Cloud. A dense, muddy, sticky soot
descended upon us. We were enveloped in total darkness. We
were forced to stop because if we had proceeded blind we
would have risked striking mines. We held up for around an
hour and a half. And when it was all over we were half dead.
We were gathered up and taken to the military hospital where
the marines were held in the infirmary. But I was forced to
return to Dahran to write the article. I was very unwell in
the days that followed, and while I was feeling so unwell I
had to interview a high official of the Petroleum Ministry
to whom I told the whole story. 'Do you smoke?' he asked me.
'I certainly do,' I answered. 'Well, inside the Black Cloud
you breathed the equivalent of ten million cigarettes. From
now on you can smoke whatever you want.' A year and a half
later, exactly when the 450 marines who had breathed the
Black Cloud were being held in various American hospitals,
especially the one in Bethesda, I got cancer too. I have to
admit that before the operation I made a vow: I promised
myself that I would never smoke again. But when I awoke
from the anesthetic two of the surgeons who'd operated on me
were at the foot of the bed, smoking. 'What!!' I said,
dumbfounded. "Ms. Fallaci,' they answered, 'cancer is
genetic. Cigarettes have nothing to do with it.' In that
case, give me one right now,' I said. I started smoking
again right there in bed in the clinic. And I haven't
stopped since that day."
Yes, she smokes a lot. But in reality she does so with much
caution - without inhaling. More than a desire to smoke,
actually, hers is a nervous gesture. A tic. To light a
cigarette, lift it to her mouth, hold it between her teeth.
The tic becomes anxious in two instances: when she is very
tense and when she writes. She cannot separate the act of
writing from the motions of smoking. There is a kind of
symbiosis between her typing and her smoking, her writing
and her smoking. In other words, she uses cigarettes the
way in the nineteenth century and early twentieth century
certain writers used alcohol. She smokes to write, that is,
as they used to get drunk to write. But alcohol is foreign
to her. "I've never gotten drunk in my whole life. I don't
even know what it's like to get drunk."
OLD AGE
She has no fear of old age. On the contrary she likes it,
respects it. And she bears it no ill will. "I don't
understand the stupid men and women," she says, "who are
ashamed of being old and try to appear less old than they
are. Men who try to hide bald spots, for example. Women
who have plastic surgery or at seventy are horrified by a
single white hair. I don't do such silly things and never
have. Even though I may now appear younger than the Who's
Who says and I may always have, I carry my age with pride
and always have. I don't use rejuvenating creams and never
have. I don't get plastic surgery and never have. I'm very
sorry not to have white hair and am jealous of my sister
Paola who, though she's much younger than me, has gray hair.
Gray hair is so beautiful. White hair is so chic. Christ,
I'd sell my soul to have white, or at least gray, hair, just
so even from a distance people could see how old I am. Old
age is a victory, a state of good fortune, given that the
alternative is the cemetery: isn't that true? Then, quite
happily, she says: "Listen to me carefully, you young
people. Old age is a splendid season - because it's the
season that grants us the gift of complete freedom. In
youth I didn't feel really free. I exercised my freedom but
I didn't feel really free. The freedom I enjoyed was
political, not an inner freedom. Not a psychological
freedom. Depriving me of psychological freedom were the
tyranny of adults, of teachers, of my own parents, not to
mention the tyranny that males exert over females. Complete
freedom is something I learned and earned in growing older.
But not even in maturity did I feel completely free. I
began to feel freer only when the lines became deeper. The
deeper they were, the freer I felt, the less I feared the
judgments of others, their pretenses, their tyrannies. And
at the moment when the lines got where they are now, I felt
completely free. Old age is a catharsis. In old age you no
longer fear anything or anyone. The only danger is that if
you have no moral sense (but I have that to burn) you may
believe that you're allowed to do anything - because as an
old person you know more, you understand more. You have a
full capital of knowledge and experience that in youth you
didn't even dream of and that in maturity was only partly
available to you...The brain refines itself when you're old,
perfects itself. And at the same time, paradoxically, it
grows rich with a curiosity that before you didn't have.
Because in youth you're presumptuous. You don't know beans
and you think you know everything. As an old person,
instead, Socratically, you grow aware of knowing too little.
You also become conscious of the brevity of life. And with
this consciousness comes a great desire to produce what you
have not yet produced. Then, primed with a new energy, you
seek to leap across that void - quickly, quickly. You study,
you read, you produce, without wasting any time. . .I don't
even understand someone who retires. Retirement is a
renunciation. It's a surrender. Those who retire dry up
right away. They think dried up, they walk dried up, they
come to be treated as dried up. . .Retirement is suicide.
Suicide."
She hasn't committed that suicide - truly she hasn't. She
works with such intensity that it's difficult to keep up
with her. Ten years ago she went to the Gulf War. This time
she didn't go to the war in Afghanistan only because she was
writing Rage and Pride. "I'd have had to face the physical
problem if I'd gone to Afghanistan, it's true. Not only the
problem of age as much as that of illness. The Alien wears
you down, believe me. He weakens you, and let's admit it:
as old people we can't do the things we could do when we
were young. Your body becomes like a car engine that has
done too many miles, your two legs don't run any more like
they used to, your lungs don't breathe like before and every
so often your heart misses a beat. At the Gulf War I had
all the necessary experience, by then, to follow a war. But
when they told me that to follow the marines in the desert
I'd have to commit to carrying a backpack weighing thirty-
five kilos, I had a fit. I no longer could, I no longer can,
carry thirty-five kilos on my back. You have to give up a
certain desert action due to the frigging backpack, the
frigging thirty-five kilos. Nonetheless I was among the
first to get to Kuwait City. Without a backpack, I was the
only one to fly the Iraqi skies in a stratotanker and risk
Iraqi antiaircraft. Without a backpack I captured four Iraqi
prisoners in the desert - a thing that amused me greatly
because old age reinforces the sense of irony - especially
irony directed against oneself."
Is she sorry to have set aside any possibility of going to
Afghanistan because she was writing Rage and Pride? "Yes
and no. More no than yes. Because apart from the fact that
the Afghan winter is deadly cold and I can't stand cold, am
too thin to stand it and in my whole life have never
followed a war in a cold country, besides that I'm fed up
with wars seen up close. Classical or technological, when
you boil it down they're all the same. Result: you realize
that at a certain point you've gotten used to always telling
the same story. The same explosions, the same deaths, the
same tragedies. In fact after Vietnam, every time I went to
a war I felt I was seeing things I'd seen before, writing
what I'd written before. So one day I said that's enough:
I cannot, I don't want to, and I ought not to, repeat myself
any more."
Her last line about old age: "Ah, if old age could only
last an eternity. It has a sole defect, this splendid
season of life: as we all know, it doesn't last, it ends.
About this I completely agree with Anna Magnani. Magnani
hated death as much as I do. One day she said to me:
"Porca miseria, from the day we're born, it's so unfair that
we're going to die."
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